Minecraft Server Hosting

With Shitty HDD-Powered Servers & Underclocked CPUs

The shittiest performing Minecraft servers, guaranteed. Your players won't be able to stand your laggy server!

Bronze

Free!

  • 128 MB Memory
  • 1024 MB Storage
  • Player Slots

Silver

Free!

  • 256 MB Memory
  • 1024 MB Storage
  • Player Slots

Gold

Free!

  • 512 MB Memory
  • 1024 MB Storage
  • Player Slots

Features Bundled with your Shitty Plan

Fast Install after acceptance

Your Minecraft server will be instantly activated and installed as soon as the order is accepted.

Panel utilites

Many panel utilites available, to help customize your server.

Shit Support

A shitty support team to screw you over.

Audit
Logs

Panel logs are able to be viewed by the user.

Full FTP
Access

For power users that prefer to self-manage, we provide full FTP access as well as a web-based file manager.

Worst-in-Class DDoS Protection

Guaranteed to keep you offline through even the most smallest DDoS attacks thanks to our shitty router!

Hard to
use Panel

Manage your Minecraft servers using our non-powerful, somewhat hard to use panel.

Custom Jars are supported

Use any verison of Minecraft you want.

Free Shitty DDoS Protection

With all of our Minecraft services

Our platform is not very carefully tuned and not actively adjusted to keep today's attacks at bay, and you online.

2+

Types of attacks we try to protect from

15+

Somewhat Large attacks mitigated since 2020

.5g

Gbps maximum ddos protection

What we run on


Hitachi HDD Drives

Because old Drives are slow!

Our Hitachi Drives offer the absolute slowest performance in server loading and response times. The age of waiting minutes for your massive Minecraft world to load is still very much here!

The Oldest of Celerons, fresh from Ebay!

You won't find any server-quality hardware in our server racks. We only power our Minecraft servers with the oldest generation Celeron processors which are not very ideal for game servers.


Reviews from our customers